Hosting a SALT Marriage Seminar
Practicing Effective Communication Skills
We use the 4 lessons from the SALT Marital book and add some helpful activities after each lesson. Here’s an example of the schedule and the check list we use when we host one of these events on a Saturday.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
Saturday Schedule
10:00 – 10:15 Registration
- Purchase SALT Marital book
- Get nametag
- Enjoy coffee & donuts
10:15 – 10:30 Welcome and Introductions
- Explain the conference schedule
- Couples introduce themselves (ask: How long have you been married? Or when is your wedding?)
- Give an overview of the SALT discipleship series
- Explain that they can take notes and draw the diagrams during the teachings
- Opening prayer
10:30 – 11:00 Teach or play DVD Lesson #1 “Two Becoming One”
11:00 – 11:05 Couples activity (Facilitators demo) – play music during activity
- Hold hands (Physical Intimacy)
- Tell your spouse 2 things you appreciate about him/her (Psychological Intimacy)
- Pray together -Thank God for your spouse. (Spiritual Intimacy)
11:05 – 11:10 Break
11:10 – 11:45 Teach or play DVD Lesson #2 “Psychological Intimacy”
11:45 – 11:55 Couples activity (facilitators demo) – play music during activity
- Use the communications diagram to share your thoughts, feelings (p. 18) and desires concerning something coming up this week. Listen to each other. Take turns being the listener and speaker.
- Silent prayer to repent of competing with God or not fulfilling your role.
- Ask forgiveness for something you’ve said or done that you know has hurt your spouse.
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11:55 – 12:00 Explain what restaurants are nearby or potluck instructions
12:00 – 1:15 Lunch break
1:15 – 1:20 Q & A or Comments about Chapter 1 and 2
1:20 – 1:50 Teach or play DVD Lesson #3 “Spiritual Intimacy”
1:50 – 1:55 Individual activity – play music during activity
1:55 – 2:25 Teach or play DVD Lesson #4 “Restoring Intimacy”
2:25 – 2:30 Break
2:30 – 2:45 Do a short teaching on Forgiveness from Social #3.
2:45 – 2:55 Pray for each couple – play music during prayer time
2:55 – 3:00 Have couples share one main thing they got out of the seminar.
3:00 Dismiss
I think you can see it’s very easy to present a Marriage Seminar by teaching the lessons using the Instructor’s Guide or the Marital SALT DVDs. The testimonies have been incredible from these events.
6 Truths for Children in the Physical Area of Life
My body is like a house in which I live. But unlike a house, I cannot sell it and get a new one. I must take care of the only one I have.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20, “Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”
This Scripture teaches three major things about our bodies.
The first thing this Scripture teaches us is that someone else lives in your body also. Who else lives in your body?
TRUTH 1: The Holy Spirit lives in it
Does this Scripture say that my body is valuable to God?
TRUTH 2: God bought it with a high price.
What was the high price God paid for our bodies?
The high price was the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus on the cross.
What does 1 Corinthians 6:20 say I must do with my body?
TRUTH 3: I honor God with it
How do I honor God with my body? I honor God with my body by using it only for God’s purposes.
What does dishonoring God with my body look like?
Dishonoring God with my body is using it as if it were mine and not the Lord’s. For example, if I borrowed a bike from someone, would it be okay for me to paint it or leave it out in the rain? Since my body is not my own, I dishonor God by doing what I want with it and not remembering to do only what He wants with it.
Psalm 139:14, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it.”
This Scripture teaches us two more things about our bodies.
TRUTH 4: It is wonderfully made by God
Do you think that God did a good job when He made your body? God knew exactly what He was doing when He made you
and He made you just right.
TRUTH 5: I thank God for it
2 Corinthians 5:1, “For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down – when we die and leave these bodies – we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands.”
What does this Scripture teach us about our bodies?
TRUTH 6: It will die, but I will live forever
Since your body is going to die, but you are going to live on, is your body the real you? The real you lives inside your body and is invisible. When you die, the real you will go to heaven and live with Jesus forever. Our bodies are important because they belong to God and the Holy Spirit lives in them. God wants us to use our bodies in His service, but some day our service here on earth will be over.
Romans 14:8, “While we live, we live to please the Lord. And when we die, we go to be with the Lord. So in life and in death, we belong to the Lord.”
Who do we belong to before we die? Who do we belong to after we die?
End this lesson by thanking God that as long as I am living I can serve God. If I die I will be with the Lord forever.
Essential Truths to Teach Children
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
A friend’s Bible College professor said, “What John 15:5 means is ‘Without Him I can do nothing…of value.’” When she told her husband what the teacher had said, he replied, “I think it means: ‘Without Him I can do…nothing.’”
Here’s 7 ESSENTIAL TRUTHS you can teach your child regarding the Spiritual area of life:
Ask Your Child: “Do you need God?”
Let your child talk because you are going to answer this question from Scripture.
Ask: “What can you do without God’s help?”
John 6:63, “It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.”
Ask: “What does this Bible verse say we can accomplish without God?”
TRUTH #1: Without God I Can Do Nothing
Ask: “If I can do nothing without God, then I must really need God.”
TRUTH #2: I Need God
Ask: “If the Bible says I can do nothing without God, what are some things I need God to help me do?”
Acts 17:25 “Human hands can’t serve His needs – for He has no needs. He Himself gives life and breath to everything, and He satisfies every need there is.”
Ask: “What does this Scripture say that God gives?”
TRUTH #3: I Need God To Live and Breathe
1 John 4:7, “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”
Ask: “Where does this verse say that love comes from?”
TRUTH #4: I Need God to Love Others
Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend upon your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths.”
Ask: “What does this verse say that God will do for you?”
TRUTH #5: I Need God to Help Me Make Good Choices
Say: “We need God to direct us so that we can make good choices.”
Romans 15:13, “So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in Him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”
TRUTH #6: I Even Need God To Be Happy
Philippians 2:13, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him.”
Say: “We need God’s power so that we can obey Him.”
TRUTH #7: I Need God To Help Me Obey and Please Him
John 15:5, “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”
Ask: “What does this verse say we can do without God?”
Say: “We need God to be able to do anything.”
Review: “How can you really love other people? What can you do without God? What is the key to happiness? Do people try to do these things without God?”
Our Thinking Affects Our Choices
The psychological area of life refers to a person’s thinking, feeling, and choosing. (The word “psychological” comes from the Greek word psuche. In the Bible, that word is translated as “soul.” The soul is the essence of life in terms of thinking, willing, and feeling – inner self, mind, thoughts, feelings.)
The psychological area of life starts with your thought life. The Bible says what we think about affects our choices and feelings.
What happens when we think on lies?
THINKING LIES
Romans 1:21, “Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship Him as God or even give Him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. The result was that their minds became dark and confused.”
What does this Scripture say will happen to our minds if we think lies?
1. Believe Foolish Ideas about God
2. Darkened Minds
3. Confusion
Ephesians 4:17, “With the Lord’s authority let me say this: Live no longer as the ungodly do, for they are hopelessly confused.”
4. Hopelessness
Romans 1:28, “When they refused to acknowledge God, He abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done.”
5. Evil minds
6. Doing wrong
What kind of lies lead to all these negative things?
How would the lie, God doesn’t love me, lead you to make wrong choices?
People who don’t believe that God loves them do not trust God and do not depend on Him for everything. For example, if you do not believe that God loves you enough to provide for you, you might decide to steal to meet your own needs.
How would the lie, "I am more important than anyone else", lead you to make wrong choices?
A person who thinks he or she is more important than others might do foolish things like damage property belonging to others, or be mean to others, or just not be polite to others.
THINKING TRUTH
Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.”
Thinking truth leads to the following:
1. Wisdom – the opposite of foolish
2. Enlightened Mind – the opposite of darkened
3. Peace – the opposite of confusion
4. Hope – the opposite of hopeless
5. Goodness – the opposite of evil
6. Doing right – the opposite of doing wrong
Thinking on things that are true will affect your choices!
How Do You Think of Yourself?
When you see yourself the world’s way, you will think who you are is based on what you do, what you have, how you look, or on what other people think about you. You will feel good about yourself when you have been successful in these externals but if you are unsuccessful you will believe you are worthless.
Here are a few examples of the world’s way: A man who thinks his identity is based on how much money he has will think he is important when he is wealthy, but will think he’s a failure when he is in debt. His purpose in life will be to acquire wealth.
A woman who thinks her identity is based on being a mother will feel proud when her children behave, but will feel shamed when her children misbehave. Her purpose in life will be to have good kids.
Seeing yourself the way the world sees you will lead you to believe lies about who you are and what your purpose is.
In order to believe the truth about who you are you need to see yourself the way God sees you. God is your Creator and only he knows all there is to know about you.
“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand…”Psalm 139:16-18 (NLT)
God does not identify you based on what you do, what you have, how you look, or on what other people think about you. Instead, He identifies you by your birth…as His child.
Tips for Mentoring Others
As you mentor others there are several things you can do to help people walk in the truth of who they are in Christ.
Believe the truth about them
You need to believe the truth about others. If they have put their trust in Christ’s work on the Cross then you need to believe they are new creations in Christ, even if they don’t act like it. Our flesh can be very awful.
“So we have stopped evaluating others by what the world thinks about them. Once I mistakenly thought of Christ that way, as though he were merely a human being. How differently I think about him now! What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NLT)
What you believe about others changes the way you treat them. If you believe the truth about them, it will be easier for them to believe the truth too.
Speak the truth
We need to surround ourselves with good input if we’re going to think God’s way, instead of the world’s way. You can be a part of that good input in the life of others by making it a point to constantly affirm them by telling them the truth about who they are in Christ. Gently and lovingly point out areas in their lives where they might not believe the truth about who they are and are confused about their purpose and value.
I like to tell people, “Who you really are loves your spouse. Who you really are wants to obey God. Who you really are wants for forgive those who have hurt you.”
“You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God’s likeness, righteous, holy, and true. So put away all falsehood and “tell your neighbor the truth” because we belong to each other.”
Ephesians 4:24-25 (NLT)
Encourage them to take time to get quiet before God and listen to Him. I like to lead those I mentor in a time of asking the Lord to speak to them then we sit quietly for a while and I ask, “What is He showing you?” It’s a very precious time!
Learning to believe the truth doesn’t happen overnight. They must be intentional about taking the time for their mind to be renewed.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2 (NKJ)
Give those you mentor a solid foundation built on God’s absolute truth because God’s Word can deflect the words of our critics - others, self or Satan.
“Give me a bent for your words of wisdom, and not for piling up loot. Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets, invigorate me on the pilgrim way. Affirm your promises to me – promises made to all who fear you. Deflect the harsh words of my critics – but what you say is always so good. See how hungry I am for your counsel; preserve my life through your righteous ways! Let your love, God, shape my life with salvation, exactly as you promised; Then I’ll be able to stand up to mockery because I trusted your Word. Don’t ever deprive me of truth, not ever – your commandments are what I depend on. Oh, I’ll guard with my life what you’ve revealed to me, guard it now, guard it ever; And I’ll stride freely through wide open spaces as I look for your truth and your wisdom; Then I’ll tell the world what I find, speak out boldly in public, unembarrassed.” Proverbs 119:36-46 (MSG)
Encourage them to get in the Word
The only way for you to stop believing lies and start believing the truth is to renew your mind with the truth from God’s Word. This is true of the people you mentor as well. They need to immerse themselves in God’s Word so they can learn the truth about themselves.
Encourage them to read God’s Word looking for the things that God says are true about them. Encourage them to meditate on and memorize Scripture. Give them a sheet with some of the “In Christ” scriptures.
The Search for Meaning
Satan is still using the same methods to deceive you as he used with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He tries to convince you that you need something outside of a personal love relationship with your Creator to identify you and give you purpose and value.
Satan tells you your identity comes from what you do, what you have, how you look, and in what other people think about you. When you are successful in these areas, you are a valuable person. But when you are unsuccessful you are worthless.
When you agree with this lie from Satan your purpose and meaning in life will be to become valuable by being successful in all these areas. You will spend your life trying to do things well, have nice possessions, look good, and please others.
Here are some examples of what a person might think, feel, or do if he/she is looking for identity outside of relationship with God.
Which of the following have you seen in your life?
1. I’m not really good at anything. If I were ___________________ (smarter, more artistic, athletic, outgoing, etc.) people would like me more and I would feel better about myself.
2. I really messed up that ___________________ (relationship, marriage, job, project, assignment, conversation, New Year’s resolution, etc). I must be a failure; I wonder what other people are thinking.
3. I’m never going to ___________________ (look good, loose weight, get the job, be successful, be the best, be good at that, etc.), so I might as well not even try.
4. If only I could get that ___________________ (girlfriend, boyfriend, promotion, job, career, house, new wardrobe, etc.), then I would be happy.
5. I spend large amounts of time thinking about _________________ (how to fix it, how to do better, how I messed up, how to make it work, what I should have done differently, what he/she/they must be thinking, etc).
6. I think I’ve done well for myself. I got the ___________________ (family, house, job, girlfriend, boyfriend, car, etc.) I wanted.
7. I’m embarrassed by the actions of my ___________________ (spouse, sibling, parent, child, or friend).
8. I work really hard at ___________________ (school, job, marriage, relationship, parenting, etc.) because I’m afraid of messing up or I’m afraid of loosing what I already have.
9. It feels good to be needed. My ___________________ (spouse, children, boss, church, teammates, etc.) would be lost without me.
10. I feel overlooked or undervalued. I wish someone would recognize the good I’m doing.
11. I want to be a better Christian. I need to spend more time ___________________ (reading my Bible, praying, witnessing, serving others, etc).
12. If only I could do something important like ___________________ (care for orphans, write a song, start a successful business, raise good kids, etc.) then I would feel better about myself.
When you believe your identity can be found outside of your relationship with God you will try to find fulfillment and satisfaction in the things the world has to offer. This will lead to wrong thinking, wrong choices, and negative emotions. You may experience disappointment, fear, worry, exhaustion, and depression.
What negative results have you seen in your life as a result of finding fulfillment outside of your relationship with God?
Discipling Children in the Spiritual Area of Life
Children need to know God is alive and that He wants to have a relationship with them.
Here are 7 facts about our relationship with God that you could share with your children:
Our personal relationship with God is called the spiritual area of life. It is not about going to church.
John 14:2-3, “There are many rooms in my Father’s home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.”
1. GOD WANTS ME
John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”
2. HE LOVES ME
John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants, because a master doesn’t confide in his servants. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.”
3. HE CALLS ME HIS FRIEND
Even though God is the Boss, He doesn’t treat us like His slaves. We are His friends. Does God have the right to treat us as slaves? God is the Maker of the universe and has the right to be Master. Even though He is Master, He calls us His friends.
Ephesians 3:17, “And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love.”
4. HE LIVES IN MY HEART
Romans 8:16, “For his Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God’s children.”
God can speak to our ears if He wants to, but usually we don’t hear Him with our ears.
5. HE SPEAKS TO MY HEART
6. HE CALLS ME HIS CHILD
1 John 5:14-15,“ And we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will. And if we know he is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that he will give us what we ask for.”
7. HE LISTENS TO ME
If we had believed these 7 truths since childhood, how many problems would we have avoided?
Living By the Rules or Letting God’s Grace Rule
My brother recently said, “I don’t read my Bible to make God like me more. I read my Bible to find out how much God likes me.” I thought, “Wow! That is such a wonderful way of looking at any ‘Christian Discipline’ like prayer, giving or going to church.
In one of my favorite books, Grace Rules by Steve McVey. He says:
Are you living by the rules or are you letting God’s grace rule you? There’s a big difference between the two. If you’re living for God – living by the rules – you’ll always be exhausted. You’ll feel as if you’re not doing enough for God and that if you don’t measure up, He will be displeased with you. But God never meant for the Christian life to be that way! His love for us isn’t based on how we perform for Him.
God loves us so much! Have you ever slipped into the “have to do it” mode instead of I “get to do it”?
One of the SALT lessons uses 4 words that demonstrates this thought so well – Authority, Accountability, Affirmation and Acceptance.
Here’s how the 4 A’s work. Most of the “authorities” in our life teach us that to get their “acceptance” we have to perform…follow the rules. They hold us “accountable”. If we do everything right and follow the rules, we might receive their “affirmation” (like ‘Good job!’). If we keep up the good work, we might even gain their ”acceptance”. That is man’s way – performance based acceptance! Unfortunately that’s how many parents, teachers, bosses and husbands function.
God’s way of relating to us is just the opposite – Acceptance, Affirmation, Accountability and Authority. He “accepts” us before we did anything – good or bad. He tells us “affirmation” how much He loves us. As we get to know Him better, He shows us what to do and not do “accountability” - so our lives will be blessed. Finally we trust Him as the good “authority” that He is.
If you’ve been trying to live by the rules so God would accept you realize that you are already accepted! That makes doing things God’s way so much easier.
